Needs, Desires & Goals

“Many women drive their relationship to soul as if it were not a very important instrument.  Like any instrument of value, it needs shelter, cleansing, oiling, and repair.  Otherwise, like a car  the relationship sludges up, causes deceleration in a woman’s daily life, causes her to use up enormous energy for the simplest tasks, and finally busts down, out on heart break ridge, away from town and telephone.  Then it is a long, long walk back home.” ~Clarissa Pinkola Estes; Women Who Run With the Wolves.  

I am at a crossroads in my life.  I am not ready to divulge all the details, but I am willing to share the steps I am taking to get back on track, personally.  I’ve felt like I’ve been going through the motions in my daily life, almost as if I am floating above, watching myself.  Most days I felt like I deserved more, worth more, able to be more, but I was stuck, trapped, scared of all the what if’s in the world.  I was a spectator in my own life.
About one month ago I decided to take control, to no longer be afraid of the unknown.

ImageI am currently reading (on page 25) A weekend to Change Your Life by Joan Anderson.  If you are unhappy, want more, or just a bit curious, I invite you to come on this journey with me.  Now it will be more then a weekend for me….. and you if you chose to join me.

The first exercise is THE CLUTTERED CALENDAR.  “It is important to remember that this exercise is to see just how much you do not recall (which is the same as not being present in your daily life), as well as how little you actually do for yourself”.  Pg 25 A weekend to change your life by Joan Anderson.  Take 30 minutes recalling the last year.  Then mark them w/ a square, triangle, heart or circle as described in the book and in my legend on my calendar.   Feel free to share your calendar.  I shared my events, but am keeping the reasons & explanations to myself.  Share as little or as much as you want.

Here’s my calendar:

calendarNow What?  There are a lot of self reflecting questions in the book.

I know that most of my exhausting experiences were from outside sources.  Here the majority /not all mind you, I put lots of time and effort with no thanks or anything to show for it.  No appreciation.  My happy experiences involve my daughter, & I can’t remember a lot.   I think lots of little self time would be better…… then one big trip.  Ideally, I’d have many big trips, but that’s just not plausible, and I’d miss my kid.   I like the suggestion of buying the gold stars and sticking them to the calendar every time I do something just for me.

study your calendar.  Know that your goal is to be part of a life that is not driven simply by the roles that you play and the things that you do, but also by the pleasure you experience.”  A weekend to change your life by Joan Anderson.

I hope you join me again next week, with your book in hand.  I am ending with one of my favorite quotes thus far (I have a feeling there will be lots!) “any change in my life is mine to initiate


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